๐Ÿ›ธ Certified 0% success rate since 2387
Z

Meet Commander Zorp

The galaxy's most confident explorer โ€” and statistically its worst. Now he's got merch. Wear the chaos.

The Merch Drop

Wear the chaos

First drop landing soon. Join the list to get it before the aliens do.

0% SUCCESS

Zorp Tee

"Certified 0% success rate" โ€” soft cotton, cosmic print.

$24Coming soon
Z

Mission Hoodie

Heavyweight hoodie with the ZORP crew badge on the chest.

$44Coming soon
COMMANDER ZORP

Poster Set

Three A3 prints of Zorp's greatest disasters.

$18Coming soon
ZORP

Sticker Pack

12 die-cut stickers. Slap Zorp on everything you own.

$9Coming soon

Gleep Mug

11oz mug featuring Gleep, the navigator who steers by vibes.

$15Coming soon
ZORP

Wallpaper Pack

10 phone + desktop wallpapers. Pay what you want.

Free+Coming soon
The Record

A legacy of near-success

412
planets visited
0
missions completed
1,038
spaceships crashed
โˆž
confidence level
The Crew

Somehow still a team

๐Ÿ‘ฝ

Commander Zorp

FEARLESS LEADER

Points at things. Yells "Onward!" Has never read a map. Believes gravity is a suggestion.

๐Ÿค–

Unit B-07

SHIP AI ยท DONE WITH THIS

Calculated the odds of survival. Chose not to share them. Sighs in 47 languages.

๐Ÿธ

Gleep

NAVIGATOR (ALLEGEDLY)

A frog Zorp found on Planet Wet. Steers by vibes. The best decision-maker aboard.

Mission Log

What could possibly go wrong

"
I have never been lost. The galaxy simply keeps moving where I'm not.
โ€” Commander Zorp, orbiting the wrong planet

Join the crew

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